Had A Bad Day.

So I went shopping.  Whoever said retail therapy is bad and a foolish idea is probably wearing ugly "but comfortable" shoes.  Well I say don't believe them.  They live a meaningless and ugly, albeit comfortable existence.

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So...

Is it wrong to have a crush on my pharmacist?

Technically, he's not even my pharmacist.  He just works at the pharmacy.  At Costco.  Eh.  There goes my pride.  So not glamourous.   (But then, when was Costco the epicenter of glamour?)

Since November, we've pretty much bonded.  He knows every ailment I've had since then. And there've been a ridiculously ginormous amount of them.  All embarassing. I didn't think he'd be there for each and every one.  But he was.  That's loyalty.  

Needless to say, nothing will ever amount to anything.  Because I love Dave - of course.  But even more so (sorry Dave) because I loathe, hate, despise and want to burn Costco.  

If it weren't for their damn good prices for prescription drugs, this whole crush would be soooooooooooooo over. 

Some people are just plain stupid...

I wish I could bitch slap them people into reality. 

Here's the deal:  At Peet's.  Working at the register.  Really busy line, not enough baristas.  Only one register: mine. 

This woman orders her tea to go.  I tell her I'll make her drink in a second as I begin to register the next customers. 

Lady  "Excuse me, are you not going to make my tea? I mean, that's tacky - just tacky..."

Me (thinking) Erm, as equally tacky as your hair style?  Because it's not windy outside and it's not the 80s anymore.  Or how about how tacky your rude manners are?  "I apologize but we're short on staff and so I am going to ring this order to the bar before I make your tea"

Bitchy Lady With Horrible Hair "Now that's just tacky.  I ordered this to go - and I have a dog waiting in my car..."

Me (thinking) is it a bitch?  Because you're one too..."Again - I apologize for the wait, but I have to ask you to be patient..."

Nice Couple after her "You can go ahead and make her drink - we'll wait"

After I make her drink and she walks away, really busy and important-like ---

Nice Couple after her "Did you add caffeine in her drink? Because she's wired enough!"

Me "Yah, I was thinking about filling her drink up with scalding hot water so she'd burn herself, but that's just bad karma..."

We all laugh - ditto.  Life moves on. 

Now, later I found out that we have a "Right to Refuse Service to Anyone" policy.  Damn it.  I would've been all over that.  Seriously.

I also found out that none of my co-workers like her and she's known as one of the bitchiest customers.  How sad. 

Seriously xanga - why are people plain mean? And stupid. And have bad hair? She's a triple threat.  Watch out world. 

Peace xanga. 

Hello xanga!

A lot has happened.  I don't really know where to start other than...I think I'm going to go join Friendster (fine John, MySpace) bc the majority of my friends have left you xanga.  I hate to break-up with you when we've been together for such awhile, but you have enough of a piece of me and the void won't be too deep I'm sure.

FAMILY - First and foremost, I spent a well spent weekend with my Mum and Dad and it was really good.  It's odd when I look back and think of the fights we've shared.  In a way, they've made us stronger and make us appreciate what we have now so much more.

I gave my Mum her belated gift: an mp3 player.  She loved it.  I mean...looooved it.  She was singing Paverati, French cafe music and the Beach Boys in her room with the lights dim with her earplugs and mp3 player on (the walls are amazingly thin in my house).  And she when she hugged me good night she said something I'll never forget:  "Tracy, this is the best gift I've ever had".  The gift of music.  For $120.  Isn't that amazing?  My Mum has lived awhile without technology and carried her tapes, Beatles records and what not all around her.  Now, she has it all in 512MB (definitely enough for my mom).  Her amazement and joy were so priceless that a part of me wanted to laugh, cry and hug her at the same time. 

God - life is so good. 

My Dad opened his gift, methodically and with care - like he does with everything - and was a bit confused when he saw "Tempur-Pedic Slippers" and said, "Slippers...eh, thanks! I needed them!" happily.  I had to tell him that these, my friend, were no ordinary slippers and that thanks to Brookstone, he would be floating on air.  I thought of it when my Dad and I visited Brookstone during Thanksgiving.  He momentarily stopped by the slippers, looked at them and walked on by.  I knew it then.  It was a done deal.  That, and he has always had knee problems, so these will definitely alleviate them.  When he wore them for the first time, his expression changed from curiousity to amazement and finally, complete and utter contentment.  He exclaimed, "Tracy! These conform to my feet!  You know, this will help my bad knee!"  I was like, duuuuh Dad.  Smiling all the while.

Honestly, it's these simple moments in life that I record and leave imprinted in my heart.  I'm so lucky, no blessed, to have such amazing people in my life.  I've learned so much from my Mum and Dad.  I've learned to appreciate all music and to not just appreciate it, but to be moved by it and to feel it, and really let music feed your soul and uplift your spirits.  I've seen my Dad's eyes light up from modern advances and to see him really treasure these shoes, like someone who's never received a pair before - like something out of a Dickens novel - well it made me appreciate the simpler things in life: comfort, warmth and the vitality of life. 

Moreover, I've learned that by the simplest act of giving, you gain so much in return. So cliche. But so true. 

Peet's - oh baby.  Do I love this job or what.  Find me at Corona Del Mar sipping coffee and tea tasting and helping customers grind fresh coffee beans.  Mmm. I love the smell of freshly roasted beans on my skin.  Forget perfume.  I wear French Roast. 

--- by the way, Heatherly, if you're reading this:  your dad is one loyal Peet's guy.  I always thought he was cool.  Congrats on the new family venture.  I hope to see the new line soon! ---

Orangewood JAYCEES - it's really cool to be a part of something.  Moreover, to be leading it with other really cool and talented people.  Today I went to my official Board of Directors Meeting for the Orangewood JAYCEES and got my tag: "Community Development VP".  I'm not really into titles (that's not entirely true, but let's let it slide here), but just hearing that makes me feel like I could do so much.  No wait - "we" could do so much.  I'm stoked that I'm helping Orangewood Children's Foundation, not just making crafts with the kids. 

STALKING - I'm guilty of Googling my professor.  I lost contact with her for a bit and then woke up this morning, having been reminded that it's MLK Day and thought of her and then fed this mad frenzy of "where could she be!?!?" and googled her.  She has been lecturing at Columbia University and across the states.  So...I called Columbia University.  Then emailed the place she tutors at on Mondays in LA.  Then left a msg with the history department at uCI.  She later emailed be back, commenting on my day's work of finding and tracking her down. 

Eh - what can I say.  I felt a bit bad...but got the job done: contact at last!

I have no shame.

Final thoughts - Often, I contemplate on life and my own life and think: have I done enough? Could I do more?  Am I not too far or behind?  I'm slowly realizing that life really is "a tension of the opposites" as Morrie so famously said in "Tuesdays with Morrie".  I feel it intrinisically, as a Gemini would, and feel the internal tug of war inside.  I have to remind myself that Tracy, there is no race.  There is no one behind you but your dearest of friends and family supporting you.  And that with courage, steadfastness and a big heart, I'll be fine. 

So with that said, I'm keeping a song in my heart everyday to hum, be it Beach Boys or Paverati. haha.

MELE KALIKIMAK [MERRY CHRISTMAS!]   

Bought a guidebook on Oahu.  Full of useful facts, maps and starkingly witty and frank comments.  Check it out at www.wizardpub.com.  Woo-hoo.  Still can't believe it.  I'm packing my Jansport backpack.  Who knew it could still be useful after college?  

Anyway, Mele Kalkikmak xanga. 

Luv, Kalaki.

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SOME REFLECTIONS. 

The world is too much with us; late and soon 
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
 
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for every thing, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. 
 
Wordsworth, "The world is too much with us"

Often I ponder this verse, and think that we too are caught up in the daily muddles of life, too busy to observe and appreciate the beauty in life. 

It's easy to live in a world of one's own.  We stress about work, family, friendships, relationships and naturally, money.  It's altogether too easy to be wrapped up in yourself to notice the world around you.  

Buddhists believe that attachment to selfish desires perpetuates disappointment, pain to others and oneself.  It is this particular attachment that they strive to be free of. 

I think a bit differently, and were I Buddhist, I'd be a horrible one at that.  I like to believe that there's a certain beauty in flaws and human nature.  Not that these flaws themselves are beautiful and to be ignored, but that in understanding that we are all imperfect, we are able look outside of ourselves and find and appreciate the beauty in both human nature and the natural landscape around us.  

Wordsworth may have thought differently, but I thank him nevertheless for his inspiration.  May he rest in peace.

You too xanga: peace.  Find me makai and taking in the nani moana.